No Need to Enforce Laws, Just Blame and Shame the Victims

            They took naked pictures and kept them on their personal phones, but they were on the cloud so the hacker did the right thing.

            Those girls got drunk and wore revealing clothing, so the rapist did nothing that wasn’t coming to them.

            That boy is gay, so those bullies should have shut him in a locker or beat him up.

            Those people went to the resultant and paid with their credit card, so the waiter should use that information to finance a nice vacation.

People keep bank information on their phones and personal computers, so any hacker that can steal their information has every right to.

The family on vacation deserves to come back to house ransacked by thieves.

A girlfriend deserves to get beaten when she disturbs her boyfriend.

I hope that all of these sentences are equally offensive to you. No one deserves to be victimized. No one has a right to harm anyone else.

Why is it okay to blame the victim, haven’t they been harmed enough?  Victim blaming is only defending the offender.

You see victim blaming all over the Internet.

Jennifer Lawrence and others victimized by the hacker that stole their personal photos are being blamed by society. “Don’t take naked pictures if you don’t want them online,” has been the go to for those who blame the celebrities that had their photos leaked. I have seen my own Facebook feed fill with people blaming the victims. People deserve a right to privacy. A hacker stealing secrets from a digital device isn’t much different than a burglar stealing valuables from a safe. Don’t blame the victim; blame the criminal.

I have heard to many times of girls or someone who has heard their story blaming the girl for her own rape. Why were you alone? Why were you drinking? Why were you wearing that? Why did you leave your beverage?

This makes the system, run by the blamers and bystanders, fail on girls who need justice on their side. Few girls report incidents; many go silent, blaming themselves. Shame of being labeled as a victim of sexual assault can be as harsh as being a silent victim.

Don’t blame the victim; blame the perpetrator. Their actions should not be defended by someone putting down their victim, it is as harsh as victimizing the person yourself. I challenge everyone to fight for justice for every victim from theft to bullying to rape because it is never the victim’s fault.

We need to get justice for victims and bring perpetrators to justice. Don’t stand idly around and defend the action with “they had it coming.” Victim blaming harms everyone in society. There will always be another victim, it could be you or a friend and you wouldn’t want that shame on you or your loved-one.

We can each make the conscience effort to not blame the victim and to stand up for a victim being blamed. If we change the way we see victims there can be a bigger social change in the criminal system. Less rape cases will not go unsolved due to the judicial system, prosecutors or juries not believing seeing the victim for who they are.

No matter victims of leaked nude photos or victims of rape, they are never to be blamed. The perpetrator should be brought to justice for their offense.

If victims didn’t face as much criticism maybe more victims would tell their story with hope for justice, or at least to be able to not live in fear of being labeled and blamed as a victim. Our judicial system would be stronger.

Don’t blame victims, and don’t stand by letting them be blamed. Be the one that says “it is the hacker that stole the pictures in the wrong, not those who took the pictures. And be the person that can be there for a friend, instead of saying “I told you so.” We can make a change by standing with the victims not against them.

Be the change, make the change.

Resources:

            If you or a friend has been sexually assaulted or bullied you can go to a consular and they can help you without breaching whatever confidentiality you want to keep. You can also call the National Sexual Assault Hotline: (800) 656-HOPE or the Thursday’s Child National Youth Advocacy Hotline (800) USA-KIDS.

Other articles:           

http://www.buzzfeed.com/dorsey/fox-news-anchor-on-nude-photo-hack-isnt-it-kind-of-buyer-bew#4avob2r

https://medium.com/@missmarcello/i-was-raped-at-oxford-university-police-pressured-me-into-dropping-charges-30d37d25efa0

https://medium.com/@missmarcello/10-things-the-internet-told-me-when-i-wrote-about-my-rape-1829701b5854

What is feminism? Why should it matter to everyone?

            Feminism at its basic definition is the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men.

            I am a feminist. I like cute bras from Victoria Secret. I love wearing makeup. I love men. I am not some bra-burning hairy lesbian because I identify as a feminist (some women might be —rock it girl— but it’s not a stereotype I fall into). I love wearing a little black dress and putting on makeup when I go out.

As a feminist I believe what a woman wears does not constitute unwanted attention from men. Flirting, or wearing something attractive that leaves little to the imagination does not grant a man authority to take advantage of that woman, or use it as an excuse to treat her unfairly.

People can’t require only females to wear more conservative clothes, like schools are doing with dress codes, because it may distract males. Men can’t fire a female for being too attractive because it may distract them from their marriage. Self-control is the answer to this apparent problem. Men can’t assume because a woman is attractive to them they can use her however they please.

            Women also need to be respected for their sexual decisions. If a woman has a lot of sex she shouldn’t be slut-shamed. Equally if a woman chooses not to have sex she shouldn’t be labeled a prude. It’s a complete double standard. The same goes for men. They may get high-fived for sleeping around, but if they choose not to they shouldn’t be bullied for that decision. As a feminist I believe in everyone deserves respect for whatever decision they make.

            As a feminist I believe in economic equality for all. Women and men doing the same jobs with the same qualifications should earn the same amount of money. Not only should people of different genders be paid the same amount, but also people of different races should be paid equally as well. The racial income inequality gap is just as important to close as the gender income inequality gap (it’s basic human rights)

            As a feminist I believe in equal opportunity for men and women in education. Although I live in a country where boys and girls can be in the same classroom that is not the reality in many places. Girls should be encouraged to follow their dreams and passions, as should boys.

In the United States I take this to mean education reform all over because not all children receive an equal education. Schools are funded primarily from property taxes. A child going to school in Montgomery County, Maryland is going to receive a very different education from a child in Montgomery, Alabama.

As a feminist I believe in equal opportunity in the home. A woman’s place is not in the home if she chooses it is not. I believe that women should be able to make that decision for themselves. I want a career outside of the home when I am older and that should be my choice. I have friends who dream about being loving mothers and homemakers to their husbands who are out working and that is great. I believe that women as well as men should be able to choose what they want to do without judgment or shame. If a man wants to stay at home with the kids and be a homemaker more power to him because that is a hard job.

As a feminist I believe in gender equality. Everyone should be able to do what they wants to do in life without gender-bias getting in the way. Everyone has hard life decisions to make as they are growing up and these biases and stereotypes are getting in the way of people making decisions that would make them happy. Crush the stereotypes, break out of the proverbial box. Men and women equally deserve happiness, and that is something that gender equality can bring. Men and women will all benefit as feminists.

Please feel free to comment and share your opinions. Making people think is important and having controversial discussions causes people to think. I won’t hate you or remove comments I don’t agree with.

Footnotes:

I may use the word “they” incorrectly as a singular (grammatically correct would be “he or she”), but I agree with my friend Gabi that “but isn’t grammar biased because it’s regulated by the Man”

Confidence is Key

Men did a great job of putting women in their place, keeping us in the kitchen looking pretty, staying quiet and out of the “men’s business.” Women have always been told to keep quiet, to let men do the talking, and take care of business.  We have come a long way from the 1950s where we just stayed in the house.  We are now being educated in higher rates than men, and we are taking over typical “men’s work.”  Women have it far from easy; at a young age little girls are on the path to perfection, while boys can be boys, screwing up over and over throughout adolescence and into early adulthood.

            Recently in classes we have talked about gender inequality. In my media class we have talked about women’s portrayal in the media, and in economics we have talked about income inequality. The movie Miss Representation does a great job of looking at how women are belittled by men in the media because there are a lack of females in power in Hollywood and media corporations around the world. Media paint the very black and white picture of how women are objects of sex, and secondary in a male dominated society. Girls start seeing themselves are smaller than men and as objects that can be perfected for men. Boys seeing themselves are mightier; that they have to use their physicality to get what they want, and that women are for them. Photoshop and other editing software have not helped this situation because magazine, television, and film editors have all used these software to “perfect” actors and models’ bodies, causing body image issues because normal people can never achieve the perfection of a computer-generated body.

            This blow to a woman’s self esteem is damaging, causing a ripple effect in her normal life; a lack of confidence in relationships that could put them in a dangerous position, and a lack of confidence in a male dominated industry where women do not try to achieve the same success that men do. In my economics class we explored the reality that women do not achieve dollar for dollar compensation compared to men in their same field. Though this may be true that more women go into lower paying jobs in a service or human-interest related field, could this be because of a lack of confidence? Katty Kay and Claire Shipman explore this question in their article from the Atlantic, “The Confidence Gap,” where they reason that the lack of gender equality stems from the apparent fact that women are less confident in the work environment. Victoria Brescoll sees this lack of confidence in some of her best and brightest Yale MBA female students who instead of competing with their male counterparts in high paying finance jobs go into “less competitive fields, like human resources or marketing” (Kay and Shipman). Women want to achieve perfection in everything they do, so a little doubt goes a long way; “women applied for a promotion only when they met 100 percent of the qualifications. Men applied when they met 50 percent” (Kay and Shipman). Women have the qualifications and the competence to do these jobs; they just do not have the confidence to reach for the professional stars.

            The thought that confidence could be an underlying factor in women not trying to achieve these jobs is devastating. Many of my friends and I have struggled with confidence and body-image issues over the years as teenagers, and I see no end in sight for these issues to disappear; but to think that they will make the roads for our careers harder is unbearable. In high school I was very shy and needed the confidence to break out of my shell; I found this confidence through my high school’s public speaking club, the Forensics Club. That club made the thought of getting up in front of a group to speak tolerable, and by the end of my high school career I actually enjoyed it; I could see myself as a leader and a public speaker. As the president of that club my senior year it gave me hope when I could see that fear transforming into a passion in the younger students, mainly females, and the simple, yet often overlooked, skill of public speaking can do so much for someone’s confidence.

            We need to work together as women—to be there helping our friends and fellow women gain the confidence they need in the workplace. Be friendly, encourage each other, and stop judging each other so harshly. Also, we need to stop shaming assertive women as “bitches.” Women can be assertive and pushy in the workplace just like men, if we stop judging woman to woman so harshly. We cannot change men’s minds without first changing our own minds. Sure some of the lack in confidence is from how we are raised and purely biological. If we could stop being so judgmental towards one another we could also be less afraid of judgment and more confident in our choices. Women need to come together, stop judging, and shaming one another to become the powerful people that we can be.

                                                                                         

Bibliography

Kay, Katty and Claire Shipman. "The Confidence Gap." 14 April 2014. The Atlantic. 1 May 2014 <www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2014/04/the-confidence-gap/359851/>.

Miss Representation. Dir. Jennifer Siebel Newsome. The Project Representation. Prod. Girls' Club Entertainment. 2011.

Welcome

Pensieri del Fiore

(Thoughts of a Flower)

Welcome to my blog Pensieri del Fiore! It is a blog about my thoughts on current issues and articles I have read. I will be using lots of different articles from different subjects. I am a Media Studies and Digital Arts student at Saint Michael's College in Vermont. In my free time I like to sing and ski! Thank you for visiting my blog and please leave comments that open up a conversation on these topics. Thank you again for visiting!